JOKES OF THE DAY

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu: If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway. If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self-este

1. Hey, I watch television. Every year, he's there clucking in the Cadbury egg commercials. 2. Who do you think delivers all the baskets and stuff, the little chicks? Doubtful. 3. When I was six, I saw a bunny at the scene of the crime. He put his finger aside his nose, and up the chimney he rose. 4. It was a little cafe somewhere in France, I was young, and yes, I believed everything he told me. 5. Someone is posing for those chocolate rabbit molds, and I think you're thinking what I'm thinking. 6. Who else has time to color all those eggs? Not me, Jack. 7. Yeah, and Peter Rabbit didn't think Mr. McGregor was going to catch him in the cabbage patch either -- get with the times. 8. I had a pet rabbit in the 4th grade, and he told me it was all true. 9. Once, I put a tooth under my pillow, and in the morning I had a marshmallow Easter egg. 10. Someone has to believe in the Easter bunny. Written by David A. Rinke II

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you."Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph.She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"The husband says, "No, I'

Funeral For A Friend Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?""My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him The neighbor said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it Tim?"Tim patted down the last heap of earth, and then replied, "That's because he's still inside your stupid cat."

Random African Fact Did you know about... White mothers? In 1787 while a party of 351 freed 'Negroes' was aboard ship at Portsmouth England, enroute to Sierra Leone, West Africa, the authorities brought on board sixty-two white women, prostitutes and others, whom they wished to get rid of, and married them to as many men, and sent them off to be the future mothers of the colony.